


have faith

by sunshineflying



Series: Reylo Tumblr Prompts [19]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Baldo Ren, F/M, Head Injury, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: Inspired by chats in the Reylo Discord. After the Battle of Crait, Kylo Ren's temper goes out of control and the bunker on Crait is destroyed with several First Order officers inside of it - Kylo included. The injuries sustained result in his head being shaved, and he now must contend with his appearance as well as his actions.





	have faith

**Author's Note:**

> All hail baldo ren???
> 
> Also, this is unbeta'd, so all mistakes are my own.

 

Blinding, uncontrollable rage.

The more Kylo thought about how foolish he’d been, how badly Luke Skywalker and the entire Resistance had humiliated him in front of the entire First Order, the more his turmoil swirled around him. Hux could feel it; it had nearly choked him.

The entire dugout on Crait had begun to shake with the absolute fury emanating from Kylo’s clenched fists. His eyes were dark, terrifying. In the right light, they sparkled red with the reflection of the sand dunes outside and for one moment, Hux thought Kylo was undergoing an actual transformation, like the whispered stories of the Sith he’d heard as a child around base.

Nobody had warning before the cave began to collapse.

A flash of terror shoots through Kylo Ren’s eyes indicating that not even  _ he _ could have foreseen this happening. He’d been so consumed by his rage that he’d forgotten his power, what he could do to the world around him, the ways in which he could harness the force.

\--

When Kylo comes to, he’s engulfed by the smell of bacta, the overly-sanitized smell he’s only ever had to endure a few times. He usually chooses to treat his wounds by himself, in his quarters. But this time… he’s in the med bay, and his whole body feels like a giant bruise.

He tries to move, and right away a droid swoops in, beeping at him to tell him to stay still. A flash of anger fills him, but the moment he lifts his head, the room spins and he has to lay back down.

The droid informs him rather factually that, according to General Hux, Kylo’s distress and harnessing of the Force caused the dugout on Crait to collapse upon the First Order presence in the dugout at the time - including him. Many sustained injuries, including Hux’s broken leg, many concussions, and Lord Ren’s head injury.

“I’m fine,” Kylo says curtly. “Release me to my chambers.”

_ I’m sorry I cannot do that yet _ , the droid beeps to him in binary.  _ We must wait until your wound heals _ .

Before Kylo can ask any more questions, the droid gives him another sedative and puts him right back to sleep.

\--

The next time Kylo wakes, he is blessedly back in his chambers. He’s filled with questions, the least of which being what wounds he sustained on Crait. He’s wearing standard issue undershirt and cotton trousers, and feels… different.

Nothing on his body  _ feels _ sore. He can’t understand why he was protected for so long in the med bay, kept sedated to prevent further injury. Kylo turns to sit upright at the side of his bed. His head throbs a little, but he equates that to the fact that he’s been lying down for… an indeterminable amount of time.

But then he realizes what feels so off.

There’s no hair hanging down in his eyes, tickling his nose before he’s had a chance to comb it back. And he feels…  _ cold _ .

Kylo winces as he stands and rushes to the refresher. There, in the mirror, he looks in horror at what he’s become.

_ Even more like your grandfather _ , a voice says in his head.

But he doesn’t want to be like his grandfather in this way. Not like this.

Kylo reaches a hand up, fingers trembling as he touches the bare, cool skin of his head. He’s  _ bald _ . An angry array of scars just like the one on his face drift back and forth in careless strokes over his scalp. His hair will never grow back the same again.

It will never grow back over those scars  _ at all _ .

He feels his anger welling inside him again, the mark of a monster well and truly on him now, evident in his reflection. He sends a message to Mitaka to ensure another helmet is made for him, as soon as possible, typing out the words instead of sending a visual message. 

Kylo refuses to let anyone see him like this.

He feels dread at the thought that Hux has already seen his state, seen the way Kylo now looks misshapen and mangled like the monster he never wanted to become. In this moment, he finds himself wishing he’d just died in that cave, instead.

There’s a prickling around him, the Force bubbling the way it does before it connects him to Rey, and Kylo can only bow his head to pretend that Rey isn’t about to see him like this, to see what he’s become.

He hears her sharp intake of breath, the gasp she can’t hold back.

“Ben.”

He doesn’t dare look up. He knows she can see him plain as day - his scars, the bare skin where his hair once was. Kylo hates the way he looks, the way he feels, the way every single experience now is almost out-of-body in the way that it’s happening  _ to _ him, not  _ with _ him.

Kylo doesn’t acknowledge Rey, can’t bring himself to see the disgust in her eyes. Or worse, for her to realize that this is the monster he’s become now - and to look at him that way. 

He would much rather remember the tenderness in her eyes like when they’d stood in the lift, on the way to see Snoke. She’d looked almost like she  _ cared _ for him.  _ That’s _ what he wants to remember. Not the disgust likely to be in her eyes now.

Cold fingertips press to the back of his arm, the bare skin there that is so rarely left exposed. He should have changed into his robes, for some semblance of normalcy. The feeling of her hand on his arm is a shock, and he spins around instantly. Kylo keeps his head bowed in shame. He’d done this to  _ himself _ .

“What happened?” Rey asks softly.

In his periphery, Kylo can see Rey reaching up, her fingers not touching his skin, but dancing close enough that he can feel her presence. Words fail him.

He senses Rey’s realization before she ever has to say it. “You were in the cave on Crait when it collapsed.”

Kylo nods. “It was because of me,” he says. He needs her to be angry at him, he needs to not be the only person so heavily disappointed in his actions.

“Ben…”

Rey rests her hand tenderly on his cheek and Kylo’s eyes flutter closed. She’s being so gentle with him, and he doesn’t understand why. After all he’s done… after she  _ walked away from him _ … she’s back again and touching him with a tenderness he doesn’t remember ever feeling before. Kylo releases a trembling breath and waits for her to say how disappointed she is. How he really is a monster, after all.

“Look at me.”

Kylo has never been one for self-preservation, not when he knows he deserves the torment, so he brings his gaze to meet Rey’s. He must force himself to look into her eyes when she realizes the monster he’s become.

But instead, her eyes are brimming with tears and there’s  _ sadness _ in her eyes. Not pity, not disappointment, just  _ sadness _ . “I didn’t mean for this to happen to you,” she whispers.

Her cold hand cups his cheek and she steps nearer to him. Rey’s entire body is cold; she must be on ship, or on a cold planet somewhere. Kylo yearns to hold her, to warm her up, to show her that he’s not as awful a person as he feels he is. But he’s frozen in place, his shame too much.

Rey lets her other hand drift gently over his scalp, cool fingertips brushing shapes into his skin that are etched there forever, Rey’s mark upon him, just like the scar on his face. “It’ll grow back,” she whispers. “Not everywhere, but it will…”

She’s trying to be reassuring, but why? What purpose would that serve? Kylo doesn’t understand.

“We will join each other, one day,” Rey whispers to him, both hands framing his face now. Her thumbs brush over the apples of his cheeks and his eyes drift down again.

“Ben,” she says his name again. It sounds so sweet upon her lips. Oh, how he’d love to hear her say his name for the rest of his life. When Rey speaks his name, he sounds like a real person, like he hasn’t become a broken, empty shell of who he once was.

Kylo’s eyes meet Rey’s again, and she blinks. Her eyelashes are wet, and there’s a small tear track down one of her cheeks. “Please, don’t hurt yourself anymore,” Rey pleads. “Even if this was an accident… the galaxy needs us.”

“You left.”

Her hands drift gently over his shoulders, down over his chest. He feels strong and warm beneath her palms. When Rey lets her hands fall to her sides, she looks back up at Kylo. “I know what I saw, when our hands touched,” she tells him. “We will join each other one day. But it wasn’t that day,” Rey shakes her head, “And it isn’t today.”

Kylo frowns. He’s starting to think that what she’d seen was just a dream, that he’d imagined what he’d seen, too. It was all just a game. They were pawns of the Force, nothing more.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Rey whispers. “In that vision, you had hair. It’ll grow back.” She glances at his head, at the pale, bare skin there, littered with angry red marks of healing gashes. “We  _ will _ see each other again,” she promises, “And we’ll be happy. Together.”

Almost as if she’d planned it, the Force-projected image of Rey disappears in the blink of an eye and Kylo stands alone in his refresher once more. He leaves the room, not bothering to even so much as glance in the mirror. I would grow back, sure, but that took time.  _ Lots _ of time. Time Kylo wasn’t confident he had left.

But he would trust Rey.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi at reyssolo.tumblr.com


End file.
